I've blogged before about my disgust at bullying and, as a society, each and every member should, regardless of their background, their age, creed or colour should say "No" to bullying. They should help put a stop to it if they see it and as a society make it clear that bullying is a completely unacceptable act against any human. In my opinion, they are down with the lowest of the low in this world. They scare, they hurt and they damage people's lives.
But can you ever really beat bullying or will it be an unfortunate way of the world, forever?
As I've blogged before, I was bullied a lot as a child. I was always quiet and rather reserved - but I never really felt I had my chance to show people my worth. I didn't ever feel my peers got to see me for who I thought I was. I didn't have the confidence to outshine any bullying, to stand up to them, to look them in the face and say no.
Naturally, unless you can mentally build your confidence, bullying will mentally break you down. It takes away any confidence you have remaining and it can damage you for life.
I don't particularly have any memories of a time where I didn't feel threatened during my time in school, where I felt confident, where I felt safe. It became a way of life for me. I knew who to avoid and how to avoid them - which way to walk home and what time to wait until before setting off.
Because I didn't ever enough about me to build up my confidence, I still have long lasting effect. And that is my fault - I could've tried harder. Now, I accurately stereotype the people I am near or with and determined their behaviour which subsequently determines how I act around them. My behaviours have followed me through life, my confidence has remained low. I struggle to overcome it, when you do something for so long, it becomes normal.
I still immediately go to the corner of a room, to sit on my own in a room full of people. I let people push in the queue to save myself from a punch or a kick, like when I used to line up for dinner as a child. I avoid groups of lads on the street, in case I receive unpleasant abuse - and I instantly look at the floor so I can't get called up for looking at them in the wrong way. I apologise too much, even when I haven't done anything wrong. I take too much personally. I keep a lot to myself. I find it difficult to "talk" and my self-esteem is non-existent. I'm not a party animal, I have very few friends because I find it difficult to socialise and I think I've tarnished myself with a brush which results in people taking a dislike to me. I'm reserved, I'm quiet and I think too deeply. But that's me, it's the way I am - what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.
My goal here isn't to fix me, it is to try and fix others - if I can, through being open and honest about me. It's embarrassing and it takes a lot of strength to publish a blog about it. I want my children to grow up with the confidence I never had and I want someone struggling to find the courage to build their confidence to beat those who hurt them most. If you can build your confidence, if you can learn to stand up tall, rise above whatever low-life is trying to pull you down, be strong and demonstrate your worth - without being arrogant, then you will start to pave the right path for you. Remember that you are important, just as important as everyone else. You are worth something. You have your own qualities and strengths. You are valuable in some way and there are people who love you for who you are, as you are.
So walk tall, with a smile on your face and refuse to let the minorities affect how you live, you will build your confidence and you will beat the bullies. One thing I have learnt is that they hate to see you smile, to see you happy, succeeding and making friends. They hate it with a passion and it overcomes them so much they'll eventually get bored. Bullies are jealous people, one of the worst traits a person can have. It oozes out of them like a steam from freshly baked bread. They single out and pick on the vulnerable and confidence reduces your vulnerability.
