Your mind can store the most precious of memories, but it can also keep taking you back to memories you want to forget. It is so powerful that it can take you to places you've never been - but it can also take you to a place you never want to be.

A lot of people live their life without fully realising the extent to which their mind can take them. They don't dwell, they just live. They don't look back, only forward. Nothing really worries them and anything that does is short lived. And I don't blame those people, life is far too short to do otherwise.

In fact, personally, I wish I could be more like those people. I battle daily with anxiety, like many people do, and I am always trying to improve, to get better, to overcome my issues - but this illness is probably the hardest to fight off.

Despite being a very private person, I know I need to talk openly about these issues and since I made that choice, amongst other things, I've touched on my illness with depression (Depression 'Just Is') and I do truly believe that I have that locked in a metaphorical chest cabinet - trying to escape but failing because of my determination, my family, my ability to manage, cope and acknowledge it; all of which keeps it from taking over my life again. But anxiety, for me, seems more deep, more powerful. It consumes, scrambles and confuses me. It hurts, it drains and it damages.

My biggest issue that I have to overcome on a daily basis is how people perceive me, what they think about me. Fearing I've upset someone's feelings, that they think badly of me - when I genuinely feel I try my best all the time and I would do anything for anyone to help them, but the feeling that I've not met their expectations or that I've done something to hurt or upset them, as silly as it sounds, sends me into a scramble and my mind goes into overdrive. Even someone having a bad day and snapping at me can affect me all day. It drains me of my emotions, it can change me from my happy state to a quiet, reserved, zoned out state and the more often it happens, the more it scares me and makes me wish I could overcome these issues easier.

I caught depression early, I was able to resolve that. I retrained my mind to think differently. Catching something quickly is always best. But anxiety, it just seems part of me. Over-thinking everything has been such a huge part of my life that I know nothing else. I have managed to stop some aspects of my inability to switch off. Every evening before I closed my eyes, I literally played back my day through my head. Torturing myself to see whether I had done anything wrong. Whether every decision I made and a situation I was in, was right and played out how I believed it should. The only positive from this was that it developed my memory skills like some twisted brain training game from a Dr. Kawashima - apart from that, it did no good and I am glad I no longer do that, 6 out of 7 days, anyway.

One of the hardest parts about this issue is others understanding it. I am lucky I have a safe haven at my home, with my partner who understands me and kids who love me regardless - but because it is hard for people to understand and for me to explain, it literally makes me want to shut myself off and keep myself away until I feel I can stand tall again. Luckily, my family can make me smile and overcome my scrambled thoughts, but some days are more difficult than others. If I could have surgey tomorrow, guaranteed success with no chance of danger, to remove this awful part of my brain, I would have it. Without a shadow of a doubt. There are times that I could cry when I know I am struggling - it is one of the hardest things to cope with so often, with so many critics and judges in the world.

For those with the same issues, I suggest you find that haven for you to. Somewhere to go, something to do - which refreshes your mind. Everything can seem very much like this:


When you're in that state, it is hard to see light. To think clearly, to have the attitude of "oh, so what...". You will experience headaches. But remember, life is too short. You need to prove nothing to no-one, all that matters is your health and your happiness. And I know it is diffcult, heck I struggle myself and all of this advice packs a suitcase, jumps on a plane and disappears to some place I've never heard of - but if you have to, write it down, read it - remember it. Think it everytime you know you're struggling. If this is a battle between you and your mind, come out on top - control it rather than letting it control you. I am working on this, it is an active project. I aren't perfect, I am by far a shining example of someone who has overcome this, but I am overcoming it now with the right support.

For those who don't have the issues, think before you judge. I always get called moody, grumpy - or have comments thrown around like "what's the matter with him", in a tone that just isn't necessary. I don't mean harm to anyone. I just sometimes have to sit quietly, to gather my thoughts. Sometimes, it's just because I struggle with social situations. Putting myself "out there" opens me and my personality up for scrutiny, which is difficult to handle at times. What you may not realise is the person you're judging has a lot going on and because they may not be physically rocking backwards and forwards, or shaking in fear - doesn't mean they aren't suffering from anxiety.

Simple acts of kindness are slowly diminishing in all societies across the world.  Without sounding like I'm knocking on 60 - back in the day if your burglar alarm went off - neighbours would look to see if you were okay or if your property was safe; or if your fire alarm was going off someone would be peeping through your window within minutes. Now they shake their heads and stomp around the house moaning about the noise, wondering how quickly you'll turn it off. I wonder how they'd feel if you were laying injured on your kitchen floor and they did nothing about it?

Acts of kindness go a long way with many people, it is one of the most forgiving things you can do. It is also supposedly good for your health, so being kind not only benefits those you are helping but will work in your favour too. According to scientific studies, some of the physiological benefits to random acts of kindness:

• Increased immune system
• Improved Cognitive Performance
• Increase in energy
• Lower heart rate
• Balanced cortisol levels which result in less internal stress
• More likely to live a longer and more satisfied life
• Decreased levels of stress hormones
• Lower blood pressure
• Diminished pain

One of the biggest things I have learnt in recent years is that life is too short. It is especially too short to spend any more time than necessary worrying or stressing about work when you aren't even paid to be there.

I get it, some people have responsibilities that require them, at times, to go above and beyond or work outside of normal hours for their job. I am in that position at times myself. It isn't always as straight forward as a 9-5. But you can only do what you can do.

Quite often, in the past, I have worried about events at work - that were sometimes even beyond my control. I brought work home and that is something you should try and avoid at all times. There are few jobs that pay enough money to warrant you bringing your work life in to your home. You spend more of your life working than anything else so I think it is only right you give yourself that break.

People should always remember that the minute you walk out of them doors, given a good and honest day's work - whatever is on your desk or "still to do" will just HAVE to wait. You ultimately get no better thought of for staying for hours doing unpaid overtime. You're only making yourself feel better. But you can do that without staying at work. Life is too short, enjoy your family, go for a walk and enjoy the fresh air and outdoors, spend time doing a hobby, go for a drive; do something for YOU. Don't save forever, spend what you work hard to earn, enjoy it and live it. Because tomorrow you may not be here. Don't be a slave to your workplace.

It was Gemma, my partner, who made me realise this and I have never felt better for it. I know I do my job and do it well. What needs to wait until tomorrow will just have to wait. I can only do so much. And no job is worth stressing over when you're not there. If you aren't happy, don't do it.

Remember, a job is a job. It's a way to pay for a living, but that's it. Don't let it define your happiness. You work to live, not love to work. Do what makes you happy.